I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
