Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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