My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
