Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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