omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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