this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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