I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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