so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
