Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
