any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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