that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
