Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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