is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What a dumb baby whore.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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