I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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