Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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