i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
