I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
