I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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