i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
