I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
