I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
