i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
