Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
