Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
