Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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