So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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