Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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