So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
