after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
