i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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