I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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