Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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