so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
