My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
