i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
