my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just invented taco cereal.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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