It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
