Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
