your parents love me but you hate me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
