Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
