We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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