There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
