life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
