Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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