I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
