was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
