They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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