The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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