Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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