I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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