some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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