i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
