they said they heard you say put it in my butt
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
