If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
