So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
