He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
