it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
