ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
