im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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