2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
