in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
