I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
