I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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