There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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