I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
