I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
