Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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