Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
