There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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